They Call Me Smalls.: The Great Delay.

I know, and I apologize for it. Unfortunately I'm skipping day 4's topic for now, but I'll get back to it soon. I've been a little out of sorts lately, as anyone who I've spent time with in the past month can probably tell you.

On February 12, I found out my grandpa had passed away. While it may be considered somewhat "expected" (after all, it was Kaiser that severely screwed up the surgery he had a little over a year ago, but I digress), I was in no way prepared for it. Now maybe it's because I was off at school away from him or any of my family, maybe it's because he was one of the strongest people I've met, or maybe it's simply because I wasn't ready to truly accept it, but I indeed struggled for awhile. I felt like I was walking around in some weird fog. I didn't answer any calls or texts, I didn't talk to any of my friends. Honestly, I was lucky if I just made it to class that first week. I'd like to apologize to all those who tried to reach me, I wasn't intentionally ignoring any of you, I just didn't know what to say. Thank you for being patient with me and understanding. Being away from family, and not being able to see him and say goodbye didn't help either, but such is life. I don't have very many pictures with me on my laptop at school, but I will post a few of what I have at the bottom of this note.

I didn't I didn't think I was going to be able to attend the funeral purely for expense and time constraints, but fortunately I was able to make it down for a very quick weekend trip. It was great to spend a couple days with family and friends and to feel all their love and support. We talked and told stories and enjoyed each other's company, but it was a little bittersweet for me knowing that in a couple days I would have to be back to the grind of school and leave all that behind. Anyway, that is not the point I wanted to make here, I just wanted to give some small explanation of why I have been absent from the blog, email, life in general.

Many of you probably did not know my grandpa, but for those who did, you all know what an incredibly kind and great man he was. Hard working until the very end, adventurous, entertaining. He served in 2 different fields of the military serving and protecting his country. He loved the gospel and his family. Grandpa made sure to attend every important moment in our lives, be it baptisms, graduations, weddings, etc. He also enjoyed hunting and shooting in general. He would always tell us stories, and as usual make his own hilarious inputs. He actually attended Utah State back when it was just an agricultural college, and won the title FFA, which proved to be ironic when he moved to Thousand Oaks, CA and started working construction. (It's kind of nice to know that I am walking some of the same places that he walked when I go to school everyday.) Eventually, he built a company that continues to bear his name, with his 2 sons as well as some grandsons. He also was the integral factor behind purchasing a plot of land in beautiful Pine Valley, UT (about a half hour form St. George). Here, the family and even some of our friends began building what is now our family cabin, which holds so many wonderful memories for all of us. He was able to travel and visit one time to see the cabin in all of its glory last year on his birthday. I am so grateful for the example he set for his family, in both his professional and personal life; and especially for helping my dad become the amazing and supportive person that he is today.

On behalf of not only myself, but my entire family, I would like to thank everyone for their loving and sympathetic words and visits, especially those that have reached my grandma. It's hard to imagine her without him, but she is such a strong and wonderful woman, that I know she will make it. Sometimes when I walk into their house, I still expect to find him sitting in his chair watching a game. While I still find myself crying randomly at times, I know that he is watching over me, and all of us, and I appreciate when I am still able to feel his comforting presence.

While I was coming back up to school after the funeral, I heard a song that I have heard many times before but for some reason I actually listened to the words this time. While the context in the song itself is a little off, and by no means what I would have considered to have a profound impact on me, I'd like to share the lines which helped me (in hopes that no one is offended).

Coming home, I'm coming home.

Tell the world that I'm coming home.

Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday.

I know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes.

Coming home, I'm coming home.

Tell the world that I'm coming home.

Yes, I'll admit I immediately burst into tears, and I know the rest of the song has absolutely nothing to do with this kind of sentiment, but THAT is what I needed to hear. I am so incredibly grateful to have the gospel in my life and to know that I will one day be able to see him again. I only hope that I can make him proud and live up to his legacy in the meantime.

Unfortunately, I don't have my favorite picture with me, but perhaps when I get back home, I'll post.