Surprise, surprise.

Yeah, I know I get distracted. I really do try but then I forgot or I have other things going. Like this week for example--5 midterms. That truly should be illegal. I'm really not one to get overly worked up about tests in general, because the way I see it if I know it, I know it, and if not it's already too late anyways. This however was a different story, because I've literally been ripping my hair out all week. One more day and one more test. One day at a time and I can make it. How pathetic is it that I've already succumbed to trying to live through just one day at a time.

Everyone keeps telling me, college is the best years of your life. Well guess what, I'm over it, and honestly I have been for quite some time. Now maybe it's because I don't necessarily like to go out and party all the time or because I generally prefer sleep rather than a lack thereof, but moreso I think it's because everyone in my life is so far past this that I have no interest in it either. Sometimes I wish I could let it go and just have a good time every once in awhile, but that's just not who I am. I've kind of always tended to emotionally be ahead of where I "should" be in life. I'm ready for something different, and when that change finally comes I will embrace it fully with everything that I have...unless of course it keeps me in this icebox we like to call Utah. Whatever made me think I could make it through living here is completely beyond me because it was a ridiculous plan. Granted, I have enjoyed going to school here, I love the basketball games and like being able to spend time with family I rarely got to see growing up, I'm very very ready to get out. Out of school, out of arctic temperatures, out of this adolescence I seem to be stuck in.

Which actually brings me to my next point, I am about to leave my teenage years forever and feel like I should do something. I already know what my party would be in an ideal world, but in this tiny existence which is mine I come to the unfortunate realization that not only am I looking in TRUE good friends, I am even further lacking in the funding area. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, except that I think I dream too ambitiously. I love to plan parties, I love to cook, I love to travel, none of which is in any way going to come to fruition any time soon. If anyone has some ideas for something cheap that me and a few friends could do, please, I am all ears.

That being said, I feel the need to mention how much I miss my family. Being home for Christmas and actually being able to spend time with everyone, which hasn't happened for a good 5 years, was an immense blessing, and probably just what I needed. Although I really feel like seeing my amazing sister and brothers and their beautiful families together while I am still entirely alone with not a focus in the world, it brings me back and puts things into perspective for me too. It's hard to understand that things can't be rushed, but after seeing them I know even more of what I need because I see everything I want in them. You'd think I'd take more advantage of that when it's actually happening, but at the time it was difficult enough not to burst into tears (something else I really need to work on by the way--I think my tear ducts overflow all too often). Anyways, the point I want to make is how much I truly love and appreciate each and every one of them. I can't imagine where I would be without them and their support.

And now that all the mush is out, I'm going to quit before I say anything else to potentially embarrass me for life. Back to studying it is, I'm going to get better at this whole blog thing though because all that ^^ felt surprisingly nice to say. :)