mostly I just need to vent.

apparently happiness is short-lived. I feel like I should really know this by now, and yet it always seems to surprise me. Not that I'm super depressed now or anything, but things have been going incredibly well for me lately (outside of school that is...not that school's going bad it just doesn't come into play because I'm so over it). Anyways, unfortunately I didn't really realize this until late last night//today when my whole current world pretty much came crashing down. It was fabulous, let me tell you. Really, I'm just angry with myself, for being so stupid. I don't understand why I let people do the same crappy things to me over and over and over again. Why can I never learn? The only difference this time was that things were actually going BETTER than usual, I was finally ready for some hugely important and potentially life changing things. Because after I made my move, regardless of other people's decisions that would result from what I did, I would have ended up in a better place. It would have been fantastic, no matter what that decision was. However, now I'm stuck without everything, and not even due to my own poor choices. Oh no, this was alllll them. And what do you know I still let them treat me that way, ironic isn't it? When will I ever be able to just move on and get done with this? My guess at this point is probably never, but hey I would love to be proved wrong. I feel a little bit like a great deal of who I am has crumbled away beneath me. I guess that's who I thought I was, maybe I'm just supposed to learn who I really am supposed to be. I don't know anymore because I can't figure any of it out. Just when I think I'm finally ready and things are actually changing, I fail again. and again and again. Oh well, I'm probably just complaining, but it took me a really long time to get to the point where I was at before last night. Now I'm really unsure if I'll ever be there again just because I'm done putting myself in that position. Hopefully I can keep this in mind, and actually figure things out. I'm making a promise to myself right now to change, to stop doing the same things all the time, to not let people continually get to me. I have only one thing left to say to some people and unless that time comes when I'm allowed to say it I'm not going to say anything at all. I quit, and I'm ok with that. It's self-destructive anyway so really I'm helping everyone out. Well, I'm feeling a little bit sick so that's all for tonight. :)